Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Saturday, July 27, 2013

STOP PUTTING YOUR POLITICAL MESSAGES ON MY MONEY! It really pisses off the money counting machines.

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Have a great 4th! Enjoy your Independence while it lasts! The Democrats are in charge!

Monday, July 1, 2013

The movie Dark Shadows is remarkably good for being a knock off.

Saturday, June 29, 2013

I am the first to admit i make mistakes, but it is rarely out of carelessness, mostly because i feel hurried. Or harried.
Why does "teamwork" mean "Derek does all the work and everyone else goofs off"?

Friday, June 21, 2013

Monday, June 17, 2013

Thursday, June 6, 2013

The Thing "So even when we win we lose."
Spiderman "And that, ladies and gentlemen, is exactly how it feels to be me... EVERY day of the week."

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Steak flavored potato chips.. delicious steak flavored potato chips... what will they think of next?

Friday, May 24, 2013

Just realized my bed is not in use for 2 periods each day between the hours of 6 & 9.

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

i walked passed the kitchen to see my oldest standing there, reading the directions on the back of an empty pancake mix box. Alex, the kid who reads anything.

Monday, April 29, 2013

Just watched Rio. Now i miss Sammy and Mikey again. I miss my birds, but I don't know that i would have been able to take care of them properly.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

The boys are acting out a rivalry game between Michigan and Ohio State. Interestingly, when missiles got involved Russia ended up winning.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

I believe that you have the right to believe whatever you want to believe as long as you understand that my right is to believe you are wrong.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

People who throw lit cigarettes out of car windows should be shot!

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Me: Who died? Coworker: Nobody. Me: I find that hard to bereave. Coworker: Why? Me: ::crickets::

Monday, March 18, 2013

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Slight name correction because apparently I can't spell my own daughters name: Cecily Claire
5cm dialated, in delivery room. Further information as available.

Friday, March 15, 2013

Just thinking... but i know more 'Jessica's than any other name by a VERY wide margin. David is next.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

My oldest just gave me a (correct) technical description of how and why we vomit... i am having a hard time deciding if i am proud or disgusted...
Listen to the opening parts of all summer long and werewolf of London and get back to me.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Please note the shoes you wear are a lifestyle choice. Like smoking and drinking and drugs, you do not get to complain about the results of your choices.

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Ben: "I'm hungry like a bear. But bears don't go to school or go to heaven, they're too wild."

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Yes, I am just as judgmental as the next guy. But I promise, i only judge you on your actions. If you act like and idiot, you make my idiot list for life. FYI.

Friday, February 22, 2013

I HAVE to go to bed no earlier than 3 AM for the next 3 days in order to be ready for my new shift on Monday.
Plain Idiocy: Man- We've had less than 50 presidents. I guarantee you they haven't been from every state.
Woman- Like Hawaii, cause they've all been white.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Friday, February 15, 2013

Agua del gato... that is all.
So I put my contacts in for the first time this week and I have to say it's extremely disorienting to be able to see the entire street.
There is a leak in my basement walls. But not just any wall. This leak is in one of the two walls waterproofed by the previous owner. Yeah. Not waterproof.

Monday, February 11, 2013

Now accepting prayers for a monetary windfall of roughly the equivalent of a hernia surgery and a childbirth.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Did I mention that the unemployment agency decided I had been wrongfully terminated? Yes, self-esteem is improved.

Friday, January 11, 2013

Today, Ben pointed at one of the two fruit bowls on the breakfast table and said, "Daddy, there are zero apples in Alex's bowl!" He is using his number words!