I believe that you have the right to believe whatever you want to believe as long as you understand that my right is to believe you are wrong.

People who throw lit cigarettes out of car windows should be shot!

Me: Who died? Coworker: Nobody. Me: I find that hard to bereave. Coworker: Why? Me: ::crickets::

I am good at what I do. I end up doing what I am good at.

It would appear to be Friday... who knew!?

Every single 1 of my presets is on commercial... what do I do now!?

People really suck at driving in the rain

Slight name correction because apparently I can't spell my own daughters name: Cecily Claire

5cm dialated, in delivery room. Further information as available.

Contractions...

Just thinking... but i know more 'Jessica's than any other name by a VERY wide margin. David is next.

My oldest just gave me a (correct) technical description of how and why we vomit... i am having a hard time deciding if i am proud or disgusted...

Listen to the opening parts of all summer long and werewolf of London and get back to me.

Please note the shoes you wear are a lifestyle choice. Like smoking and drinking and drugs, you do not get to complain about the results of your choices.

Ben: "I'm hungry like a bear. But bears don't go to school or go to heaven, they're too wild."